Melbourne Earthquake…Be Prepared!

The whole world probably knows by now that Melbournians experienced an earthquake last night. We’re not used to earthquakes, so when the Earth shook Melbourne up, we explored some more ‘realistic’ explanations.

A neighbour thought the front door rattling was due to an escaped convict trying to get into her house.

Boywonder was convinced that a monster was shaking his bed.

Junior Accountant was terrified of the ghost that was shaking her chair.

I was going to stock up on mace, tasers, teddy bears, crucifixes and salt, but since obtaining total reassurance from Geoscience Australia that it really was an earthquake, I’ve written a new shopping list:

• Tins of baked beans (Forget the beans – locked in a bunker with bean-eating people is not fun or healthy.) 
• Tins of spaghetti, peaches and that stuff they call meat (They’re not fooling anyone!)
• Three can openers (Because it’s always the third one you pull out of the drawer that finally opens the can.)
• Bottled water (I intended to stock up on this before they build a plant that turns sewerage into water. I’ve been told I dribble sh*t, but I draw the line at drinking it.)
• A Vibra …torch ( Never leave home without one!)
• Batteries – lots of them (They’re for the torch!)
• Eight suitcases of clothes (Well this isn’t just a weekend away, it’s forever!)
• My children’s finger paintings (They’ll be worth a fortune when all those Picasa finger paintings have disappeared into a giant crack in the Earth.)
• A bunker (I know, I know, you’re all asking why I want a bunker, because they’re for hiding from fires, tornadoes and bombs, but every end-of-the-world movie I’ve seen shows people, at some point, hiding in a bunker-like environment. I’m yet to overcome the problem of where and how to dig a hole to put it in, but if I have it ready, the Earth might open up a bit and make that job a bit easier. Preparation is the key!)

You may have noticed that I haven’t worried about gluten-free food. That’s because all the people that survive in the end-of-the-world movies don’t have special dietary requirements, so I’m sure mine will disappear too.

As you can see below, Melbourne is slowly rebuilding, so don’t worry about us. I’ll hold my vibra torch high as a symbol of light and hope when the next one comes.

My greatest disappointment in all this was that Mr T and I weren’t mid-coitus. I could have honestly told him that I felt the Earth move. Maybe next time, darling.